24 January, 2008

The Plant_Murderer's Plea for Innosence

Hey, This is PM here ( well duh , right?), anyway this is the one that any of you with an overly developed sense of irony have been waiting for.

I, the plant murderer who for safety reasons must remain nameless, do hereby come before the court and plead innocent on all charges relating to the supposed murder of various members of the plant kingdom. In the absence of my lawyer, I cite the following reasons as to why this case should be thrown out and why, if the proceedings stand, I am innocent.

Exhibits A-PM : The definition of the term murder: the crime of unlawfully killing a person especially with malice aforethought.
My Defense:
Despite my misnaming moniker ( non-fitting name) it is impossible to murder a plant because a plant is not a person. They don't feel, they dont have a sense of themselves, they don't feel pain. they are not people.

Besides, if we don't eat them the broccoli will take over the world.

Seriously: If plants had feelings then:
walking across your lawn would be genocide.
kids could opt out of flower dissections on moral grounds.
and there would be humanly harvested spinach on sale at Whole Foods.
all meat eaters would STILL be more guilty than most vegans.

when you eat meat you support the killing of all the tons of grain that got filtered through the animal prior to slaughter.

I rest my case. So Judge, what's the verdict?

Hoping there's good vegan food in prison,
Plant murderer

PS. The name is my way of being ironic and funny. the joke is that if you've been vegan for a while and told anyone then you've probably been hit with the plants have feelings line, and therefore been accused of being a Plant Murderer.
PPS. Read the other post on this topic, it's good and scientific and wasn't written by a 17 year-old trying to be funny.


  1. Eric Marcus Podcast:


    In the wake of the HSUS Chino slaughterhouse investigation, several members of Congress are now calling for video cameras to be installed at slaughterhouses. Naturally, the USDA is dead set against this. Here’s an opportunity to grab ahold of this issue and take advantage of this window of opportunity

    It's unanimously agreed (if veg*an or not) that the animal agriculture industries from factory farms to the arbittior has "fox in the hen house status". This pending legislation is pivotal on many levels of reasoning: Of course for the welfare of the animals, for "food" safety, and lastly, because

    if slaughterhouses had glass walls we would all be vegetarian" Paul McCartney

    Video cameras is certainly a step in a better direction for all concerned.... Ahhh.... except for the meat industry that is.

    Spreading the word on this would be a great help -

  2. Hi Provoked:

    Thanks so much for the information. If one of our authors wants to post this, they will do so. Thanks for supporting our project!

  3. I eat meat 24/7, meat is so good i eat it in my sleep, i am about to go out and shot me a deer so i can make some deer jerky, anyone want some.